1/11/2025
Pennathletics.com reported that "The University of Pennsylvania men's basketball team jumps into Ivy League play this weekend, getting its longest bus ride out of the way immediately with a journey to Dartmouth.” Penn thus triumphantly vaulted ahead of Slippery Rock University of Pennsylvania in the closely-watched Bus Trip Efficiency (BTE) index.
12/30/2024
Penn junior Michael Zanoni broke out with 27 points in a loss to Penn State. His previous high had been 11. Zanoni is a transfer from Mercer College, and apparently it took 10 games before his teammates knew: 1) how to spell his last name; and 2) and how to pass him the ball.
12/22/2024
The Quakers fell to George Mason, 85-53. With their paltry offensive output including Michael Zanoni leading the team with 11 points, I’m not sure Penn could have defeated Jackie Mason.
12/9/2024
Early in the second half on Sunday, the Quakers led Drexel 34-32, but analytics at that moment showed Penn with only a 48 percent chance of winning the game. The nerds don’t lie; Penn ultimately fell to the Dragons 60-47. Penn math majors sadly nodded their heads in respect.
12/2/2024
Penn guards Ethan Roberts and Dylan Williams combined for 28 points in a loss to Elon. They also combined for zero assists. It is unclear as to whether Penn guards have been instructed to pass the ball to anyone. Roberts said of his teammate Williams: “He seems nice. I haven’t met him yet, but I hope to soon.”
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