2/16/2025
A few years ago, I was hiring some summer high school and college interns. I interviewed dozens of candidates. Some came to their interviews in a suit and tie, while others wore t-shirts and tennis shoes. Some had sterling resumes full of educational achievements, part-time job experiences, and volunteer activities, while others offered a crumpled up piece of paper from their pocket (one may or may not have been a receipt from Chipotle).
But what intrigued me the most was how candidates approached the follow up to their interviews. One wrote me a handwritten thank you letter, several wrote me emails, and one even stopped by the next day to express her interest in the position (I hired her on the spot). After I wrote to one young woman to explain that the job had been filled and to thank her for her time, her email reply back to me was a single word: “Oof!”
Just “Oof!”
I have to admit, it is my favorite email I’ve ever received. All her thoughts and feelings were succinctly conveyed in a single word. Disappointment, disgust, anger, sadness, all tossed together with a bit of “screw you” in there. There are few words that have that kind of impact, but that is exactly how I felt watching the Illini during several of their games this year, and especially this past Saturday.
Illinois was coming off back-to-back victories against Minnesota and UCLA, their first “winning streak” since early January, before Michigan State rolled into Champaign. In the UCLA game, the Illini were up by 16 with less than five minutes left in the game, and UCLA came roaring back with a 13-0 run. Oof! But Illinois managed to hang on for the W. Kasparas Jakucionis (24-8-4) and Tomislav Ivisic (16-7-3) continue to impress, but they also combined for nine turnovers. Jakucionis is among the leaders in Division I in turnovers per game at 3.54. Oof!
Michigan State coach Tom Izzo failed to notch his career best 354th Big Ten win in his previous game against in-state rival Indiana, but he managed to get the win against Illinois by overcoming the largest deficit in the history of the Illinois/Michigan State rivalry. Illinois came out strong in the first half taking a 16-point lead before the Spartans clawed their way back to make it a four-point game at the half. Illinois led 65-64 with just under seven minutes left in the game, when Michigan State went on a 15-0 run to end the game. Illinois missed their last 19 shots in the game. Oof! How does that even happen?
Izzo surpassed Bobby Knight with the most Big Ten wins in history. Bravo. Coach Underwood on the other hand has some work to do in the final weeks of the regular season with four of the Illini’s last five games against ranked opponents.
You may be wondering, what ever happened to that young woman who sent me the “Oof!” email. I don’t know, but I think her cathartic response to her rejection led her to move on to bigger and better things. Maybe we can all learn from her. Hopefully the Illini can do just that. So say it with me Illinois fans:
I-L-L!!
O-O-F!!
Mike Hurley
2/9/2025
“I learned to recognise the thorough and primitive duality of man; I saw that, of the two natures that contended in the field of my consciousness, even if I could rightly be said to be either, it was only because I was radically both.”
You might recognize that as an excerpt from Robert Louis Stevenson’s Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, or you might think of it as a summation of the Illinois men’s basketball team thus far in the season. Or you might think that was a quote from Erika on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and in that case, I’d urge you to go to the library and read a damn book.
The Illini started off this season as an unknown with almost all new faces on their squad, including players from far off lands such as Lithuania, Croatia, and Mercer University.
How would Coach Underwood bring this team together? What would be their identity?
They started off the season hot, going 12-3 with two of those losses against top teams Alabama and Tennessee, currently ranked #3 and #4, respectively. Good! Then they went 3-5 losing to four unranked teams. Evil!
They still preach their “Every Day Guys” mantra, but is that really who they are? They think they're a great three-point shooting team and heave up more treys than all but three other schools (Good!). However, they rank 312th in three-point field goal percentage (Evil!). They have a really good interior game, with some giants down in the blocks, and lead the nation in rebounding (Good!). But in most games, they would rather shoot 26 footers than take the ball to the hole (Evil!).
Coach Underwood has to contend with how to game plan and how to deal with his inner turmoil of defining this team. I can see him in his secret lab now, fighting against this duality, not of good vs. evil, but of threes vs. twos and playing big vs. jacking up 30 three pointers each game. As Stevenson put it, “Good and evil are so close as to be chained together in the soul.”
Let’s break down some numbers. I did a little math here, so for those of you who chose Erika in my scenario from the second paragraph, you can go watch cartoons for a few minutes.
In the five games leading up to the Minnesota game on Saturday, Illinois averaged 29.2 three-point attempts, making only 22% of them.
Their two-point field goals percent in those games was 59%.
But, in their most recent game against Minnesota, they attempted only 16 three pointers, making 9 of them, and their two-point field goal percent was 66%.
It’s not necessarily accurate to take a small sample size of six games, but it’s not nuthin’ neither. At least it should be something for the coach to consider as he’s deciding the precise mixture of his team’s elixir. Does he urge his team to make as many three-point attempts as possible, or does he have his team get the ball down low to Tomislav Ivisic, Morez Johnson, Jr., and Will Riley which then opens up the outside game? If he lets too much of Mr. Hyde come out, can he ever get back to his inner Dr. Jekyll?
Maybe I can put this another way by referencing the immortal words of The Who as they ponder in their classic rock hit “Who Are You”:
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Oh, I really wanna know.
2/3/2025
In season one of Ted Lasso, Ted implores his players to be goldfish after a tough loss. He insists goldfish are the happiest animals on Earth because they only have a 10-second memory. Shake off those negative feelings and bad thoughts after a few seconds and get on with your life! Well, as an Illini fan this year, that might be sage advice. It is also good advice if you watched season three of Ted Lasso (not good).
The Illini suffered one of its worst losses if not their worst loss of the season earlier this week against a Nebraska team that had lost six in a row and were near the bottom of the Big Ten standings. The boys in blue and orange heaved up 42 treys that game but hit only ten. Humrichous and Boswell combined for 0-11 from long range. That led Coach Underwood to pull them from the starting line up in the following game.
Illinois then faced Ohio State who had won three in a row, including a big win on the road against Purdue. Illinois played a different style against the Buckeyes. In this contest, they shot 22 fewer three pointers and 15 fewer field goals overall than their previous game. And guess what? By going to the rim more, they made 68% of their two-point field goals and went to the line 31 times (vs. 18 in the previous game). Freshman Morez Johnson, Jr. scored 14 points and ripped down 15 rebounds in a starting role, and fellow first-year star Will Riley led the Illini with 24 points off the bench. The Illini won 87-79.
I read an article the other day in the New York Post. I know that publication can be a little over most people’s heads, so allow me to summarize. The article discusses the writings from Mark Rowlands, the chair of the Department of Philosophy at the University of Miami, who claims that a dog’s life is more meaningful than a dog owner’s life. In his work he writes, “A dog loves his life with everything he has because it is all he has.” Rowlands even had the cojones to bring French existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre into the conversation by stating that “a dog can experience more joy than a human because man’s best friend is not burdened by what Sartre referred to as ‘reflective self-awareness,’” which the author contends can “cripple man.”
So, maybe I’ll take this dog philosopher's advice over Ted Lasso’s. Be a dog, not a goldfish! Be blissfully unaware of the negative things in your life. Don’t dwell on horrible losses by your team to a way worse team coached by a guy named Fred. In fact, don’t engage in self-reflection or any sort of self-awareness. Just chase tennis balls around the house, bark at squirrels, and cheer I-L-L…I-N-I! Woof!
1/27/2025
I just spent several wonderful days in Cancun away from the freezing temperatures of Chicago. But was I able to relax? No. Because the Illini are putting me on an emotional rollercoaster this year.
They lose to the nerds at Northwestern, they beat a ranked Arkansas team, then come within a bucket of knocking off #1 Tennessee, they rattle off a Braggin’ Rights game win against Missouri (remember that Todd?), and then absolutely crush a top-15 Oregon team. Then come losses to USC, Michigan State, and…Maryland? What?!? Let me stop there, because I’m getting all worked up.
Rooting for this team is like having a crazy girlfriend. If you’ve had a crazy girlfriend, you know it can be super fun and exhilarating, but other times crazy is just…crazy. Let’s analyze this a bit further.
Take the Michigan State game last week.
Good crazy is going to East Lansing, facing a hostile crowd, leading the game most of the way (even though your star player only gets to play 9 minutes because of some lame fouls).
Bad crazy is your coach getting a technical with just over three minutes left (while Tom Izzo can go apoplectic on his sideline and get kisses blown to him by the ref).
Good crazy is coming back within a point and having a chance to win the game.
Bad crazy is losing by two points while missing ten free throws and going 5-24 from three-point land.
Or how about the Maryland game. Actually, that game was just bad crazy. This is coming home to find your crazy girlfriend boiling your rabbit on the kitchen stove. Illinois was outrebounded (and they’re the best rebounding team in the country), had 16 turnovers, and shot a miserable 37.7% from the floor, including 6-28 on three-pointers.
Illinois did get a rematch with Northwestern.
Good crazy was back. The Illini dominated on the boards 50-27. There were huge individual efforts by Kasparas Jakucionis (11-10-7), Kylan Boswell (17-6-4), and Morzez Johnson (15-9-1).
Bad crazy is finding out our top rebounder, the big man Tomislav Ivisic has mono and will be out for quite a while until he recovers.
See? It’s just too much to handle! Maybe I just need to settle down with a normal basketball team. We could buy a nice mid-century modern in a cozy suburb, raise our 2.5 children, and have potluck dinners with our neighbors.
But then I’d see crazy roaring up the street in her stolen Camaro, and I’d just have to jump in and go for a ride! “Hey hot stuff, let’s go to Nebraska. There’s a game there Thursday. Maybe we can even knock off a liquor store on the way.”
1/19/2025
Rivalries are what makes sports so much fun. I have to admit, sometimes I enjoy watching a team that I hate lose even more than I like watching my own team win. People who are smarter and better at spelling than I am, call this schadenfreude, which is a German word meaning “Ha ha, you suck!” Finding pleasure in other people’s pain may sound like a psychological disorder, but it isn’t…technically. It just depends on how far you take it I suppose. In an article by the Association for Psychological Science in 2001 titled “The Neurology of Schadenfreude,” they cite findings that people’s brains light up in the same spot–the ventral striatum–both when their own team does well and when a hated rival does terribly. It’s brain science! I’m not a crazy person after all! Which is good, because I had so much fun hating Indiana basketball this week.
Illinois and Indiana have been playing each other since 1906, and Illini fans have been hating the Hoosiers ever since. Incidentally, the Illini won that first meeting 27-24. It was back when they just nailed a peach basket to a wall and had to get a dude to climb a ladder to fetch the ball after each score. But a win is a win. I wonder how many people lost their jobs when peach baskets were replaced with nets. I suspect probably about the same number of people who’ve lost their livelihood due to TikTok being shut down. The peach basket industry never really recovered.
Just an aside here, but what the heck is a Hoosier anyway? One popular etymological theory–thought up by me as I was writing this column–is that it was conjured up by Illini fans after that first win in 1906. The fans gathered under the opposing team’s peach basket and started chanting “Who’s yer daddy?” “Who’s yer” became “Hoosier” (because people from Indiana are terrible at spelling), and the rest is history.
The Illini came into this week’s game following a horrible loss to USC. Just as Illinois rebounded from their other losses this season, they took out their frustrations on an overmatched Hoosier squad. How much of a shellacking was it?
Indiana was ranked #247 in the NCAA in first half points allowed (35 ppg) before Illinois hung 60 on them in the first half of the game (leading 60-32 at the half). Indiana is now ranked 306th in this category. Oof.
Indiana missed their first 14 three-point attempts. Ouch. They made a few meaningless ones at the end of the game, but it was way too little way too late.
Illini freshman stud Kasparas Jakucionis came back after missing a few games with an injury with a first half stat line of 19-3-4, and Kylan Boswell scored a game high 22.
Illinois crushed it on the boards, ripping down 51 to Indiana’s measly 37.
It got even more schadenfreudey for me near the end of the game. Luke Goode, a noted ginger who transferred to Indiana from Illinois after last season, ended up fouling out with 2:24 left on the clock. Tomas Ivisic of Illinois took exception to Goode’s hard foul and had some words with him under the basket. Then from out of nowhere, Indiana’s Oumar Ballo came flying in and shoves Ivisic. Benches cleared, and the result was three technical fouls and a flagrant-2 call and ejection for Ballo. It was so fun to see that carrot top Goode (whom I used to like but now hate) foul out and the whole Indiana team lose its composure after getting throttled 94-69. Also, what kind of person transfers to their most hated rival? A ginger, that’s who.
Just a quick note regarding television programming. We’re getting a little carried away with all of these stupid subscription services. The Illinois/Indiana game was broadcast on Peacock. Fine, I’ll pay my $5 or whatever to watch one game per month. But here’s the worst part–you can’t pause, fast forward, or rewind. The last time I didn’t have that functionality was when I was watching The Three Stooges on a 13-inch black and white television that had an antenna. I think peacocks around the world should rise up and revolt that their fine name is being besmirched by a bunch of idiots at NBC Universal/Comcast who clearly don’t understand anything about user experience. Hopefully, the peacocks will get their chance at some sweet sweet schadenfreude after Elon Musk buys MSNBC.
1/12/2025
Flopping is defined by Google’s online dictionary as “the action of deliberately falling or stumbling in order to give the appearance of having been fouled by an opponent.”
In the Illinois game against Penn State on Wednesday, there was a flopping incident with huge ramifications, but we’ll get to that in a minute. First, a little history lesson.
Flopping has been around for thousands (yes thousands) of years, but its meaning has had many different contexts, including footwear, interpretive dance, and other sports.
As any footwear expert can tell you, the name “flip flop” is an onomatopoeia of the annoying sound made by thonged sandals when walking in them. But you’d have to go back to around 1500 BC when the great pharaoh Thutmose I introduced the flip flop as the newest craze in stylish Egyptian fashion. While he was able to successfully lead his armies into battle and conquer far off lands in Nubia and Syria, his enemies finally got wise to the ‘flip-flop flip-flop’ sounds of his armies approaching. That is why Egypt hasn’t conquered anyone lately. Military historians have been studying this strategic misfire for years.You didn’t see Patton wearing any goddamn flip flops as he was rolling his tanks into the Battle of the Bulge!
Go back even further to the Stone Ages, to when “Fantastic” Freddy Flintstone invented a new dance while at the Bedrock a Go Go. In true Hanna-Barbara fashion, Fred sat on a giant tack that was on his chair, hit his head on the ceiling, proceeded to run out on the dance floor and flopped on the floor. Hence, the dance called the “Flintstone Flop” became all the rage.
[Note: the Flintstones introduced an even better dance called “The Twitch” in an episode where Fred impersonated rock-and-roll star Rock Roll at a charity function. Once again, a needle was jabbed into Fred’s behind to get him to gyrate his fans into a frenzy.]
Fast forward to Mexico City for the 1968 Olympics, where Dick Fosbury used his patented high jumping technique, the Fosbury Flop, to win the gold medal. Rumor has it that he invented the technique while running away from bullies at his school who used to torment him over his name. What parent in their right mind would name their kid Dick Fosbury. He’s just waiting to get a well-deserved beating on the playground every day. But young Dick was able to harness that negative energy into a gold medal performance. The bullying eventually died down after a NASCAR driver named Dick Trickle appeared on the scene.
Now, where were we? Oh yes, back to the Illinois vs. Penn State game. Right at the start of the contest, Kylan Boswell was bringing the ball up past half-court when he bumped into Penn State guard Ace Baldwin. Ace did his best Fantastic Freddy Flintstone impression and totally flopped on the floor. Foul on Boswell. What? Now, Ace is the reigning Big Ten Defensive Player of the year, but I think he overdid it. How do I know that? Because he flopped so hard that he injured his back and left the game 15 minutes later. His stat line included 0-6 shooting and 3 turnovers. Bad flopping equates to bad karma.
After Penn State took an early lead, the Illini burst out on a 34-4 run, and the game was over. Their 39-point margin of victory was the most in the Big Ten in over 20 years. The number one rebounding team outrebounded PSU 57-32, and 18-year old freshman stud Morez Johnson had a double double (20 and 11) in 20 minutes off the bench
But where there is a flip, there is inevitably a flop. In their next game against USC on Saturday, the Illini looked terrible; a flop as it were. Nothing much went right for them. Their biggest flop lately has been freshman 5-star recruit Will Riley who got the starting nod in the last two games in place of injured superstar Kasparas Jakucionis. In these two games, Riley shot 5-18 from the field including 1-10 from the 3-point line. And his defense was even worse. Maybe he was wearing flip flops instead of Air Jordans?
What lessons can we learn from all of this? Intentionally flopping is lame (as is evidenced by every soccer game ever). But flopping may be inevitable even when you don’t try to do it (as was evidenced by Illinois’ loss to Big Ten newcomers USC). The best thing you can do after a flop is to pick yourself up and get back on that Bronto-Crane in the quarry. Yabba Dabba Doo!
1/5/2025
Welcome to the Big 10!
The Big Ten conference was founded way back in 1896, albeit under a different name, the Western Conference, probably because up until 1889, there were only 38 states. No one east of the Mississippi knew about those territories across the river. In a poll conducted in 1978, 90% of Americans didn’t know states like South Dakota, Montana, and Idaho even existed. [That is according to a completely made up stat by me. You’ll see this is a running theme throughout the column.]
According to Wikipedia, one of the reasons the conference came to be was because so many college football players were getting injured and dying. Yes, dying! 325 deaths from 1880 to 1905 according to the site. [Note: While this is written in the Wikipedia article, that particular stat has a “citation needed” note next to it. But I’m rolling with it anyway.] Can you imagine that on average 13 players were dying on college football fields for a 25-year span? That is more carnage than the Colosseum saw back in the day. Can’t you just see Charlie Baker, the NCAA president, standing in a luxury suite at The Big House with his thumb trembling as he awaits the crowd to coax him into a thumbs up or down sign to signal the fate of an injured visiting Ohio State player on the field. And in his best Ivan Drago voice shouting, “If he dies, he dies!”
Okay, I am getting totally off track here with made up statistics and mixed-up pop culture references. Back to the story.
Oregon and three other Pac-10 teams joined the Big 10 this year. Which means you can get those natural rivalries everyone has been craving, such as Maryland vs. USC or Rutgers vs. Washington. We all know it’s dumb. But what these sissy teams from the West Coast didn’t anticipate was how difficult it would be to compete against Midwestern boys who grew up tossing hay bales and eating whole cows for lunch. This past Thursday, Illinois made the 2,000+ mile trip to Eugene, Oregon to play the #9 ranked Ducks. It’s always tough to win a conference game on the road, but the Ducks didn’t know what these farm boys from the Midwest had in store for them. [To be clear, none of the players on Illinois have ever even been on a farm.]
Illinois crushed those West Coast Big-Ten wannabies 109-77. Let’s put that in perspective a bit:
It was the biggest win EVER by a road team facing a top-10 opponent.
109 points is the second most any team has ever scored in a regulation road game against a top-10 opponent.
It was the first time Illinois has scored 100 or more against a top-10 team since 1990 (when the Illini beat Shaq’s LSU team 102-96).
With their best player on the bench for most of the first half with foul trouble, Illinois trotted out reserves Dra Gibbs-Lawhorn and Jake Davis (a transfer pick up from powerhouse Mercer) to score a combined 23 points in the first half. Illinois outscored, outrebounded, outhustled, and flat out outplayed the Ducks throughout the game. Welcome to the Big Ten indeed!
Fun fact from that game: there were two players with the nickname Bam-Bam–Kylan Boswell (15 points) from Illinois and Jadrian Tracey (3 points) from Oregon. Illinois won that battle of the Bam-Bams too.
A few days later, Illinois traveled next door to another big rectangular state to face Washington. The Illini cruised through much of the first half before the Huskies made a huge comeback to tie it late in the game at 75. But with 32 seconds on the clock, the ball was in the hands of freshman phenom Kasparas Jakucionis who ran “the old picket fence” play to get open for the go-ahead layup just like his high school coach, Shooter, taught him. “Now Kasparas, don’t get caught watching the paint dry!” [Note: Jakucionis actually grew up 4,750 miles away from Indiana in Vilnius, Lithuania and did not star in Hoosiers.]
Turning back to football for a moment, South Carolina and the SEC can suck it too! Illinois kicked their butt in the Citrus Bowl, and the Big Ten is dominating the postseason in football.
So just like everyone else in the media, we can play fast and loose with some facts, but one thing we can all agree is 100% true: The Big Ten Rules!
12/29/2024
It’s almost a new year and time for New Year’s Resolutions! Yes, you do need to lose some weight, spend less time on the new iPhone you got for Christmas, and spend more quality time with your spouse. But all of that can all wait for another year, because first, we need to focus on making Illinois basketball the best it can be. So, here we go with our resolutions for 2025.
#1 - Rebound from bad relationships. This should be an easy one for Illinois, since they are the best rebounding team in the country. But it’s really more about getting over bad losses. This season, Illinois rebounded from a top-10 loss to Alabama with a win against top-20 Arkansas; they got over their Big Ten opener loss to Northwestern with a nice win over a ranked Wisconsin team; and they overcame an upsetting last-second loss to #1 Tennessee to beat Missouri in the Braggin’ Rights game (remember that one, Todd?). Even though they are the youngest team in the Big Ten, the Illini have shown tremendous resilience early in the season. Keep it up!
#2 - Don’t settle for less. It might feel good in the moment to leave a bar with a guy or girl who is a solid 4 or 5, but why do that when you could have a chance with an 8 or 9? Illinois has crushed the likes of Eastern Illinois, Little Rock, and Chicago State (as of the time I’m writing this article, they are up 90-41), but it doesn’t really make the team any better. They’re better off playing scrimmages in practice. Keep scheduling top teams early in the season; other teams will take notice (“Oh my, Illinois must be really good if they can get Tennessee to go home with them”).
#3 - Travel more. The two best players for Illinois this season are Kasparas Jakucionis and Tomislav Ivisic from Lithuania and Croatia, respectively. It’s not enough to recruit Mr. Basketball from Illinois (although we did that too!), you’ve got to travel on a plane, boat, rickshaw, tuk-tuk or by any means necessary to get international players. Otherwise you might miss out on the next Julius Halaifouna from New Zealand, Khaman Maluach from South Africa, Okku Federiko from Finland, or Yakov Smirnoff from Russia (I added the last one to see if my editor is paying attention).
#4 - Save more money. Back when I was in school during the “Flyin’ Illini” days, you could buy a team with a few Jeep Cherokees and some couch change (right, Marcus Liberty?). Now with the NIL, schools need to shell out $20+ million American dollars to field good teams. Just buy 2,857,142 fewer lattes at Starbucks this year, and it will add up quickly.
#5 - Lose some weight. You just really need to lose 10 pounds, you slacker. Get off the dang couch and put down those Doritos! Actually, make it 15 pounds. [Note: I’m looking in the mirror as I type this].
Happy New Year!
12/22/2024
Illinois just beat Missouri.
“Hey Todd, great game, wasn’t it?”
Todd is my brother-in-law. He went to Missouri, and I went to Illinois. On paper, it looks like I was being congenial and displaying good sportsmanship. But if you’re a guy, and your team beats another dude’s team, this might be the most irritating thing you can say. It’s usually accompanied by a subtle, knowing head nod, or even worse, a wink. And it’s even worse than bragging.
But, the Illinois vs. Missouri game is titled the Braggin’ Rights game for a reason. The two schools are less than 300 miles apart and have been playing each other since 1932. In that first meeting, Illinois was coached by Craig Ruby, a former standout player at Missouri who was the head coach there for two seasons before jumping ship to run the Illinois program. Illinois now leads the overall series 35-20. “Isn’t that interesting Todd? I didn’t even know that. Have you heard that stat before? Huh, 35-20. I thought it would be closer than that. [Wink]”
While Illinois led for over 30 minutes of the game, Missouri rallied in the second half with an 11-0 run, and the game was tied with 28 ticks left on the clock. Then superstar freshman Kasparas Jakucionis hit a turnaround jumper to put the Illini up by two. Kylan Boswell added a free throw to go up by three, and Mizzou’s Jacob Crews missed a last second three-point attempt. “Todd, that was a close one wasn’t it. Wow, what a finish. It really could have gone either way, right? [Head nod]”
Illinois needed this win after losing two of their last three, one to a not-so-great Northwestern team, and the other by one point to the number one ranked Tennessee Volunteers. The Illini looked good in some aspects. They outrebounded Missouri 42-30. In fact, Illinois leads the nation in rebounding with over 45 per game. They also held Missouri, a pretty good 3-point shooting team, to a mere 3-13 from the arc. Illinois is 5th in the nation in 3-point defense percent. Jakucionis had a game-high 21 points, his sixth game in a row scoring at least 20 points. And Illinois hit 22 of 23 free throws in the game. “Hey Todd, where did you go? Are you still there? I have more fun facts to share.”
Now, Todd has a daughter, my niece, who goes to Missouri right now. After the game, I gave her a hug and said, “Good game. Sorry your team lost.” But for her, I totally meant it.
12/15/2024
If you were a carnival barker in the beginning of the 20th century, you would have shouted, “Close but no cigar!” If you were a fan of Maxwell Smart (played by Don Adams) in the late 1960s sitcom Get Smart, you might have said, “Missed it by that much.” If you are an Illini fan who just watched as your team gave up a last second basket to lose to the number one team in the nation, you might scream, “Ahhhhhhhhhhh” and then stick your head in an oven.
Illinois had a chance, a good chance, to hand #1 Tennessee their first loss of the season. Beating a number-one ranked team has only happened three times in school history, the last being on February 7, 2013 over the hated Indiana Hoosiers. In 2004, Illinois beat a Wake Forest team led by Chris Paul, and in 1979, they beat Michigan State and some guy named Magic.
Tennessee waltzed (see what I did there?) into the State Farm Center with a perfect 9-0 record having trailed a grand total of only 6 minutes and 51 seconds so far on the season. However, the start of the game was all Illini who took an 8-0 lead, stunning the Volunteers. The first half was brutal, there were 26 first-half fouls and 45 free throws taken, the most for any major conference matchup this year. The game was tied at 64 with five seconds left after a Kasparas Jakucionis free throw. Tennessee then inbounded the ball to Jordan Gainey who then went end to end to score the game winner. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Once again, the Illini were led by freshman phenom Jakucionis who had team-high 22 points, but he also had a team high 7 turnovers. The team was outrebounded by the athletic Volunteers team who snagged 17 offensive boards. I imagine that coach Brad Underwood will be back to his Heat Miser looking self screaming at the team during practices this week and emphasizing blocking out and rebounding. Tennessee was plagued by fouls the whole game, and in the waning seconds, their two best players, Zakai Zeigler and Chaz Lanier, were on the bench with five fouls. But Gainey stepped it up big time with a game-high (and career-high) 23 points
But there was some good news from earlier in the week when Illinois beat #20 Wisconsin 86-80. It was Wisconsin’s third loss in a row after starting the season 8-0. The best part of that game was watching the Illini’s Tre White have the best game in an orange and blue uniform scoring 23 and grabbing 8 boards. Another highlight was watching Wisconsin’s Kamari McGee miss back-to-back free throws which whipped the fans in Champaign into a frenzy since they get free chicken nuggets through a McDonald’s promotion when the other team bricks 2 free throws in a row. “Free Nuggs, Free Nuggs!” It’s the most fun thing I’ve seen in college sports in a while.
I should probably take a more optimistic look at this Illinois team. They are the youngest team in the Big 10, and they came so close to knocking off the top team in the nation. So next time I stick my head in the oven, it will be to look for some free nuggs!
12/8/2024
Illinois was rewarded for their win against a ranked Arkansas team on Thanksgiving with a jump in the AP rankings to number 19. Then they had to face Northwestern–an easily winnable game on paper–before heading into a stretch against #11 Wisconsin and #3 Tennessee. Maybe the Illini were looking ahead to those two marquee matchups, or maybe they still had an overabundance of tryptophan running through their veins from eating too much leftover turkey. Whatever the reason, they lost to Northwestern in overtime. You have to go back a few years, to January 29, 2022 in fact, to remember the last time Illinois beat Northwestern in Evanston. And why is that? I have no idea. Let’s go through a thought experiment together to dig deeper.
Is it because the Wildcats are such an intimidating team? No, they always look like a group that has had to meet “high academic standards” to get into the school. That means they can’t recruit a lot of the best high school players. In the history of their program, Northwestern has only successfully recruited five 4-star players. Only four were ranked nationally in the top 100, and only one in the top 60 (all according to 247Sports). They’re most likely guys that in high school were never late to practice, they studied the playbook after they were done with their multivariable calculus homework, and their moms always made sure their uniforms were well laundered.
Is it because Welsh Ryan Arena is such a daunting venue for opposing teams? No, it looks like a typical high school gym in an affluent Chicago suburb. It’s about as intimidating as walking into a Trader Joe’s store on a Tuesday in the early afternoon. When walking into the arena, I’m half expecting someone to ask me if I’ve been down their frozen food aisle to find the French Onion Mac & Cheese or the Kung Pao Tempura Cauliflower. Delish!
Is it because they are a basketball powerhouse with years of success and postseason wins? No, for years the team was a perennial doormat in the Big Ten. They hadn’t even sniffed an NCAA tournament appearance until 2017 and have never made it past the second round. However, the team has had some recent success, cracking the AP top 25 three times in the past four years, but never higher than 19.
On Friday, the Illini traveled upstate to meet their in-state rival. Things were looking just okay in the first half as Illinois held Northwestern to just 24 points. Midway through the second half, the Illini took a 10-point lead 46-36, and fans of the orange and blue could relax a bit. But then Northwestern came back behind the strong play of forward Nick Martelli who had a game-high 27 points. Wildcat senior Brooks Barnhizer scored with 41 seconds left in regulation to tie it up at 56 to go to overtime. [On a side note, Brooks’s uniform looked very sharp. Kudos to Mrs. Barnhizer!]. The Wildcats then pulled away with a 70-66 victory.
I’m still not sure how Illinois lost. They held NW to under 39% shooting from the field and 4-21 from three-point land. Illinois freshman star Kasparas Jakucionis had 20 points, 10 rebounds, and 7 assists, and big man Tomislav Ivisic added 15 points, 12 rebounds and 5 assists. Maybe it’s that the players who aren’t from some faraway European country need to step up for the Illini. For instance, freshman stud Will Riley came off the bench to add 12 points, but he was also 0-6 from three-point range, and Ben Humrichous was 1-9 from the field (all 3-pointers).
The Illini have plenty of time to right the ship. I’d suggest they get together as a team for a low-carb taco night using some Trader Joe’s thinly sliced Jicama Wraps or perhaps try some Pork & Ginger Soup Dumplings for a quick but satisfying lunch. Delish!
12/1/2024
Thanksgiving weekend is always special, getting together with family and friends, eating way too much food, and watching football. As a tribute to the holiday, I’d like to share some things I’m thankful for.
Three Pointers
The Three-Point Line was introduced to the NCAA in 1986. Some people at the time were not fans. According to a Sports Illustrated article in 1987, “Dayton's Don Donoher views the three-point shot as symptomatic of America's declining moral climate. ‘To me, it's just like a game show,’ says a disgusted Donoher. ‘In this world we live in now, we're into wild thrills.’ Wild thrills indeed! If he was worried about three pointers destroying the fabric of society back in the 1980s, I hope he had a Noah’s ark full of emotional support animals to get him through the next 37 years of his life.
But if you like three pointers, you can be even more thankful to be an Illini fan. This team has attempted the second most treys among the 360+ DI men's basketball teams–33.9 per game. They make about 35% of them too, which isn’t terrible. In their most recent victory against a ranked Arkansas team, the Illini hit 15 of their 31 attempts. Tomislav Ivisic, their 7’1” center, went 6 of 9 on the way to a 21-point afternoon.
Winning Coaches
Brad Underwood rose to number five on the Illinois career wins list as a head coach and is just a couple games away from reaching the number four spot. He did that by beating John Calipari’s Arkansas team. Incidentally, Calipari entered the season with the most career wins of any active men’s NCAA coach. However, Rick Pitino and he are tied as of the time of this article being written. To be honest, I thought Pitino and Calipari were the same person.
Twins
Twins have always oddly fascinated me, especially after those 2002 Coors Light “Love Songs” commercials. There have been numerous twins in sports over the years. While some pairs were equally matched, such as–basketball players Brook and Robin Lopez and hockey greats Daniel and Henrik Sedin, there are others in which there is a clear alpha. For instance, Jose and Ozzie Canseco combined for 462 career home runs, with Jose supplying 462 of them (plus he got to hook up with Madonna). You know when skiers Phil and Steve Mahre see each other at family get-togethers, Phil never forgets to mention the 21 hundredths of a second that he beat his little brother by to take the gold at the 1984 Sarajevo Olympics. And while Cooper Flagg of Duke is destined to be a top pick in the upcoming NBA draft, his brother Ace is hoping to crack the starting five at the University of Maine next year. Oof.
Tomislav and Zvonimir Ivisic, twins representing the Illini and the Razorbacks respectively, squared off against each other this past week. Tomislav (Tommy, as TV announcers seem to like to call him) has clearly taken steps to become the Jose Canseco of this relationship. On the year, he is outscoring and outrebounding his brother 16.3 / 8.9 to 12.1 / 4.3. During their head-to-head contest, Tomislav put up another double-double 21/10, and Zvonimir went 13/6.
The Nickname “Boogie”
Over the years, there have been several players with the nickname “Boogie” including Rejean "Boogie" Ellis who played for both Memphis and USC, DeMarcus “Boogie” Cousins who played at Kentucky for a year before departing to the NBA, and Johnuel “Boogie” Fland who is a star freshman for the Arkansas Razorbacks. Ironically, Cousins and Fland were both recruited by John Calipari. That’s two of the three most successful Boogies in college basketball history! I think Coach Calipari might be onto something.
Boogie Fland is a five-star recruit who was off to a great freshman campaign. He scored in double digits in each of his first six games and was averaging 17.1 points per game. However, Illinois found a way to contain Boogie on Thanksgiving Day, holding him to 8 points on 2-12 shooting on the way to an Illini 90-77 victory. According to College Networth.com, Fland’s NIL deal is worth around $777,000, so I’m sure he is plenty thankful even if Illinois kept him in check for one game.
Coming up for Illinois, their Big Ten kickoff against Northwestern, two top-20 matchups against Tennessee and Wisconsin, and their annual Braggin’ Rights game against Missouri. Those four games will help define the rest of the season for this team.
And one more thing to be Thankful for…Bears coach Matt Eberflus is gone. Double Oof.
11/24/2024
The Illini started off the week by eking into the AP rankings at number 25. This marked the first time in 24 years that the Illinois men's basketball, women’s basketball, and football teams were all ranked in the same week. Not too shabby. Then the Illini had to play eighth-ranked Alabama, and – poof! – back to the old drawing board.
The Crimson Tide scored 52 in the first half on the way to 100 for the game. To put that in perspective, Illinois gave up a total of 54 points in their previous game to Oakland. It was apparent from the start that this might not be the Illini’s night when Bama’s Grant Nelson opened up the game with three 3-pointers on the way to a game high 23 points.
One positive note for Illinois was keeping preseason All-American Mark Sears to zero points on 0-5 shooting. That’s about how Sears retail fared against Wal-Mart back in the 1990s (nothing like a little American consumer humor to lighten the mood). Other positives included the continued sharp play of freshman Will Riley who led the Illini with 18 points to go along with his 9 rebounds and 4 assists, and Arizona transfer Kylan Boswell who finally showed up with 17 points, 7 rebounds, and 3 assists.
However, when you get whooped like that, what you need is a slump buster, and Illinois had a fugly one for sure with their next opponent, University of Maryland Eastern Shore Hawks. [If you are unaware of the term slump buster, check out former Cubs first baseman Mark Grace’s interview with Jim Rome in which he gives a perfect explanation. In addition to baseball, Mark Grace is also famous for his multiple DUI’s and for his former wife running off with actor Ray Liotta.] But enough of that, back to the UMES game.
The Illini weren’t perfect in their game against the Hawks, but they didn’t need to be, since the Hawks are terrible, yet perfect for a team trying to get back on track. The Illini held UMES to just 15 points in the first half and outrebounded them 59 to 38 led by another freshman stud, Morez Johnson, Jr. who had 13 rebounds in just 14 minutes of playing time.
Fun fact about Maryland Eastern Shore: Clarence Clemons, the long-time saxophonist for Bruce Sprinteen’s E Street Band, attended the school in the early 1960s. He played football as an offensive lineman alongside future hall of famer Art Shell. While in college, he played in a James Brown cover band called The Vibratones. The Big Man ended up in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Next up for Illini is the Little Rock Trojans [Too. Many. Jokes] and then a Thanksgiving matchup against a top-20 Arkansas team. The football team prepares for their last game of the season against Northwestern at Wrigley Field. A fun Thanksgiving weekend for Illini fans awaits!
11/17/2024
The Fighting Illini won their third contest of the season on Wednesday in an ugly matchup against Oakland in which both teams had 18 turnovers. The Golden Grizzlies tried to slow down and befuddle Illinois with their zone defense, but Illinois big man Tomislav Ivisic planted himself in the lane and dumped in a game-high 20 points leading his team to a 66-54 win. Freshman point guard Kasparas Jakucionis, who had led the Illinois squad with 20 assists and only five turnovers in his first two games, turned over the ball five times and missed all three of his shots from the field; it was a rough day for the freshman from Lithuania.
Fans may recall that Oakland, which is located in Auburn Hills, Michigan, won the Horizon League championship last year for the first time. As a 14 seed, they upset a 3rd-ranked Kentucky team, which led to Wildcats head coach John Calapari packing his bags in the middle of the night, slipping out the back door, and leaving the state to avoid the hordes of Kentucky fans with pitchforks and torches waiting in his front lawn. He is now coaching at Arkansas as part of his penance. For all of you Catholics out there, Arkansas is similar to purgatory, but with lower quality dental hygiene.
Oakland is coached by Greg Kampe who has been coaching there since 1984–that is 40 years with the same team! Let’s put that in context with some 80’s trivia.
1984 was the year the Motion Picture Association of America introduced the PG-13 rating for movies. Can you remember the first movie with a PG-13 rating to be released in theaters?
1984 was the year Hulk Hogan won his first WWF title. Can you name the wrestler he defeated to win the first of his five wrestling championships?
In 1984, Apple aired its iconic “1984” commercial during the XVIII Super Bowl to introduce the Macintosh. It featured a young woman throwing a sledgehammer through a screen that features a Big Brother-like character. Who directed that commercial?
Coach Kampe had hoped to build on his 700 career wins against the Illini. To put that total in perspective: his 700 wins ranks above Hall of Fame coaches Jay Wright (642), Denny Crum (675), and John Wooden (664). He is only 7 wins behind Tom Izzo and 31 behind Rick Pitino. He is also 697 wins ahead of John Jakus, the new head coach for the Florida Atlantic Owls.
If you aren’t sure about the trivia questions above because you are either too young to know such crap, or you are too old and have forgotten things like your second child’s name, here are some hints.
Wolverines!
He was the only Iranian to win the WWF Championship.
He directed both Telma & Louise and the new Gladiator II film.
Looking ahead to next week, the Illini have their first true test of the year in a matchup against pre-season number two ranked Alabama. While the Crimson Tide suffered their first loss to Purdue this week, they are still a formidable opponent known for their prolific scoring.
Trivia answers:
Red Dawn
The Iron Sheik (Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri)
Ridley Scott
11/10/2024
The Fighting Illini are back after an Elite Eight appearance last season, only its fifth one in the past 60 years. While they did get destroyed by UConn in that game even worse than Kamala did last week, it was still an impressive year. And then…all the players left, except for one back-up, Dra Gibbs-Lawson, who averaged just over 7 minutes and 2.4 points a game last year.
So, in the offseason, Coach Underwood had to find players to make up 97% of their scoring and rebounding from last season. And boy oh boy did he look. He brought in Tomislav Ivisic from Croatia, Kasparas Jakucionis from Lithuania, and Ivan Awfulitch from…wait, he was from an old Woody Woodpecker cartoon. But you get the point. There were also multiple transfers from big time schools such as Arizona (Kylan Boswell), Louisville (Tre White), and Notre Dame (Carey Booth); as well as unknown schools such as Mercer (Jake Davis) and Evansville (Ben Humrichous). Quick, if you know the nicknames of those two schools, well, you just need to get out more (see answers below to see how much of a basketball nerd you are). Illinois also recruited a couple of studs: Will Riley is a 5-star recruit, and Morez Johnson Jr. was Mr. Basketball in the state of Illinois.
While the Illini are not in the AP preseason top-25 rankings, they are loaded with talent. But because they are all new to the team, they have less chemistry than a newly married Indian couple from an arranged marriage on their honeymoon. Awkward, right? However, that did not stop the Orange and Blue from laying the wood on their first two opponents, the Eastern Illinois Panthers and SIU Edwardsville Cougars.
Highlights from the Eastern Illinois game included Riley dropping 31 points, the most ever by an Illinois freshman in a debut game. Ivisic had a double-double (14 and 14), the first of many to come. The SIU-E game saw Jakucionis with his own double-double, 12 points and 13 assists (hurray - the Illini finally have a point guard!), and Humrichous hitting 5 three pointers. While these two opponents aren’t much of a barometer for the Big Ten season, they helped the team begin to gel.
Illinois will face number 2 Alabama and number 16 Arkansas in the coming weeks before Big Ten play starts. That will be a dose of reality for this team of strangers. Hopefully, Coach Underwood can pull out his best Maximus Decimus Meridius impression. I can hear him in his pre-game speech now…"Whatever comes out of these gates, we've got a better chance of survival if we work together. Do you understand? If we stay together we survive.”
Are you not entertained?
[Answers to my earlier question. Mercer’s nickname is the Bears, and Evansville’s is the Purple Aces. Their mascot is named Ace Purple, a turn-of-the-century riverboat gambler who originally was seen with a club with a nail in it in one hand and a gun in the other. That is badass, but the school felt it did not reflect well on them, so Ace lost his weapons. Ace still has a sweet mustache that gives him an uncanny resemblance to James Garner from the 1994 film Maverick.]
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