1. Cooper Flagg not really injured. Just part of a deep state conspiracy. FAKE NEWS!!!
2. Kon Knueppel and the rest of the Duke team.
3. The Slim Reaper, Isaiah Evans, channels his inner Steph Curry and averages 8 made 3 pointers per game.
4. DOGE announces that the federal government is immediately cutting all funding to the NCAA as well as any state that hosts an NCAA tournament game, creating mass confusion and delaying the tournament for a month until the administration abruptly changes course and seizes upon an opportunity to MAKE THE TOURNAMANENT GREAT AGAIN – MTTGA – to divert attention from the stock market’s continued precipitous decline. Flagg’s ankle full healed by time tourney starts and averages a double-double.
5. Duke engineering students unveil a time machine and, much like Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, bring back a 22 year old Christian Laettner from 1992, who is granted another year of eligibility by the NCAA. Duke beats both Kentucky and UConn en route to another Championship.
6. Cooper Flagg, on a bum ankle, still manages to be Cooper Flagg and wills Duke to a national championship.
Robb Hellwig
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