2/16/2025
It’s bad. Nothing compares to walking back to your dorm past midnight on a Wednesday in the pouring rain after your basketball team lost in overtime, yet again.
For those who have not been keeping up with the trials and tribulations of the BC men’s basketball team let me give you a quick update.
Last Saturday we lost in triple overtime to Syracuse, then double overtime to Notre Dame, and miraculously we managed to fall to NC State. So in summary, we suck.
We are now the second-worst team in the ACC. We really can’t be first at anything, can we?
I hate to be so negative, so I attempted to conjure up a top-five list of things that are worse than the BC Men’s Basketball team. Let’s just I struggled. So I settled for just four things. Please enjoy.
4 things that are worse than the BC Men’s Basketball Team
My Mom’s Shake N’ Bake Chicken
Now you might be thinking what do my mom’s shake n’ bake chicken and a college basketball team have in common? A detrimental impact on my liver. The pure stress I undergo during the basketball season is comparable to the irreplaceable damage I’ve done to my liver by eating raw meat for the last 17 years. So when my liver fails you’ve got a 50/50 shot as to why.
Cats: The Movie
I’m not sure what was worse, watching the Eagles get destroyed by a subpar team from the middle of Indiana or sitting through a 2-hour movie of dancing animated cats. I’ll go with Cats on this one simply because I recall wanting the movie to end before it even began.
My Attempt at Playing Basketball
Sure I won a participation trophy for a basketball camp in third grade (no big deal), but I can’t guarantee that I know how to dribble, or pass, or shoot. So, if the Eagles manage to lose the remainder of their games, which is highly plausible, they’ll still play better than I ever could.
This Column
I’d like to say that I put more effort into this column than Coach Earl has ever exerted during his 4-year stint at BC. However, based on viewership alone that appears incorrect. There’s always at least one person in the crowd at the basketball games which is more views than I can say for my columns. Hmm, so maybe I should just stop going to the games.
Sure, our season isn’t exactly going well, but just know that things could be far worse - you could be my liver right now.
Sadie Barend
2/3/2025
We did it - we won. Well, by one point and in the last three seconds of regulation, but a win is a win. Unfortunately, the Eagles remain in the bottom three teams in the ACC, so in other words that game was utterly irrelevant.
Unfortunately, I must face the cold hard truth that the chances of BC winning the ACC tournament are about as slim as me getting through this Math assignment without shedding a tear. You can’t even see the equation anymore, it's just smeared black ink - and snot.
We’re at the point in the season where the team’s only goal is to not get Coach Grant fired. I can’t say they have been successful. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if a few players secretly run the Fire Earl Grant petition on Change.org.
Truthfully Saturday’s game was pretty brutal to watch. The most entertaining part was probably the halftime show where a woman, under the stage name Red Panda, rode a unicycle while catching bowls on top of her head thrown from her feet. Yes, that’s a real skill and I’m certain the Red Panda is the best in the business, though I also have a feeling that there’s not a ton of competition in that field. But I have to wonder how one discovers this talent. And more importantly, why?
1/27/2025
Saturday afternoon the Eagles faced off against UNC and managed to bring the game to overtime - I know, shocking. But as a BC Superfan, I had low expectations because somehow we always find a way to fumble the game. At least we’re consistent - at being bad.
For those who decided to protect their peace and not watch the basketball game, I have so generously revisited the heartbreak to provide you with a detailed play-by-play.
There were 18 seconds left on the clock and BC had possession of the ball, so for your typical team, it was the perfect scenario. By now you must know the Eagles aren’t your average Joe. We’re that annoying intern Glenn who manages to butcher the easiest possible coffee order.
All we had to do was inbound the ball, shoot, and then make it in. We couldn’t even do the easy part. It’s as if we were searching for a way to throw the game.
I would like to add that I learned how to inbound the ball at my one-day basketball camp in fifth grade, so where’s my basketball scholarship, Earl?
Truthfully, if I were tasked with inbounding the ball I’m pretty sure my fight or flight would kick in and I’d chuck the ball toward the nearest 6-foot blob without hesitation.
Now we’re on a six-game losing streak, so Iuckily it can’t get much worse. Well, actually, it can. Great.
1/19/2025
I think I have tuberculosis. Perhaps standing in the pouring rain for two hours outside Conte Forum did it.
Well, if I do have tuberculosis I’m not mad about it. Nearly all the successful 17th-century novelists got infected so I’m in good company. Though if I remember correctly their careers were fairly short-lived.
Okay, so maybe I should get this checked out.
I'm glad I risked acquiring a medieval disease rather than skipping the BC vs. Duke game. Now, you may be wondering whether you missed a massive upset in college hoops, and I can assure you there’s nothing to worry about—we lost by 25.
Yet for a solid eight minutes of pure ecstasy, we were beating Duke. The adrenaline was rushing, the crowd was cheering and my eagle onesie was well, utterly drenched. Sure the rain may not have been ideal, but the crowd could not have cared in the slightest.
I have to admit screaming “Overrated” at Cooper Flagg, the projected #1 NBA draft pick was quite humbling. That’s like telling Taylor Swift her entire discography is useless as she proceeds to drop yet another groundbreaking album. We knew we were wrong, but when you’re down by over twenty points you’re not exactly thinking rationally.
Now some students are quickly targeting the players for the game result, but might I turn our attention to a different culprit: Coach Grant's jacket. Without exaggeration, I honestly thought Earl Grant was coaching Duke for the entire first half, which isn’t that far-fetched considering he was wearing a bright blue blazer. Earl, you could wear any color of the rainbow, even don ostrich feathers and a bedazzled suit for all you want, but don’t wear blue.
I mean no kidding, the Eagles struggled, they probably spent the majority of the game pondering why their coach would be dumb enough to support their opponent. For his sake, let’s just hope Earl is color-blind.
1/13/2025
Boston College lost to Syracuse on Saturday evening, but fortunately Conte Forum was nearly sold out, well to Syracuse fans.
So it seems the Orange have no problem leaving the cold weather of Syracuse, NY and traveling five hours simply to experience even more cold.
In that case I happily invite all ‘Cuse fans to venture down to the East Antarctic Plateau and watch their team battle against a rag-tag group of penguins, polar bears and the occasional melting iceberg.
Now besides the ‘Cuse fans infiltrating the arena, the Eagles put up a decent fight, which at this point in the season simply means attempting to shoot and on a whim getting it in the net. Thankfully Coach Grant has come to realize that his team cannot shoot the 3, which should have been obvious after the first game when BC managed a mere 5 3-pointers of the 18 attempts.
This week BC faces off against Notre Dame and Duke and based on our record so far I feel no reason to elaborate on those matchups, you already know the deal. But as a dedicated Superfan I'll remain hopelessly devoted to my Eagles because we’re making it to the Tourney this year! Right? Anyone? C’mon… please.
1/5/2025
Subject: IMPORTANT PLEASE READ
To: Boston College Head Coach Earl Grant
From: Sadie Barend (a diehard Superfan - also when are we going to change our fan name?)
Dear Earl.
Out of the 100 emails I have sent to you thus far I promise this is the most important one. I know I said that about the last twenty-six, but I actually have a point to this one - I think.
Now Earl, my man, what a week! I’ll start with the positives because there are not many. Well, I rode quite the high on Wednesday when we defeated Miami. Then I checked their record (4-10) and proceeded to cry into my pillow. But a win is a win - a common phrase I said after barely earning a C for the semester.
Nonetheless, I have to ask Earl, were you awake during Saturday’s game? I mean at one point a Georgia Tech player lost his shoe and they still scored. I would like to note that at no point during the game did any BC players lose their shoes (great job on that one), but it would have made for a great excuse for our poor performance.
I do feel obligated, however, to inform you that school morale is at an all-time low. But it doesn’t take much to electrify the students. When the football team beat FSU we stormed our home field - the game was in Tallahassee. Also, FSU ended their season last in the ACC, so clearly, our bar for excitement is quite low.
Really all you need to do is make the NCAA Tournament. It’s not that hard. I mean I’ve never done it, but I have crafted a master plan. You’re welcome.
Plan A: Earn a high seed in the ACC Tournament. To do so we need to take down Notre Dame and Duke. Sure ND isn’t that good, but we all know ND is our safety school and we also all know I just lied. So do it for the rivalry, Earl.
Plan B: Pull a Tonya Harding. To avoid any suspensions for BC just employ Baldwin the Eagle to administer the hit to our top opponents. Don’t worry we won’t use a baton just the t-shirt gun.
Plan C: Spread Norovirus. Let’s put our science facilities to good use and mix up a harmless virus. Before the ACC Tournament sneak those petri dishes into the opposing team's locker room. Who doesn't love a little harmless sabotage?
*To compensate for potential ethical issues with the last two plans, all BC players will be required to attend evening Mass. Here, they will receive a complimentary donut and pray to God we go to the tourney, after partaking in Hallelujah, of course.
Plan D: Recruit players from BC High. I’m not even kidding we just need bodies that can shoot.
Now we have destroyed our competition and earned the ACC bid, all while playing the least amount of basketball as possible. We will receive a well-deserved 16th seed in the tourney and be subjected to a play-in game against an unknown school from the Midwest. Then we’ll lose. Maybe next year will be our year.
Until then keep fighting Earl. I’ve got faith - I think.
Sincerely,
Your biggest Superfan
12/29/2024
Yesterday Boston College took down Fairleigh Dickinson University, a school in the NJ town of Hackensack. Now you cannot tell me the founders of Hackensack did not steal that name straight out of a children's fairy tale. Regardless, the residents probably didn’t even notice FDU’s loss because they were too busy curdling milk. If a real Hackensacker is reading this, I apologize for my mockery. Wait, who am I kidding, they can’t read this, there’s no technology there.
Though they lost, FDU did manage to cut BC’s lead from 20 to 5 during the second half, a skill that the Eagles may want to develop themselves, in addition to learning how to shoot a three-pointer. Unfortunately after the loss to SMU, Boston College has blown their chances of making the NCAA Tournament as an at-large selection, but don’t worry there’s always the ACC bid. Yeah, and the odds of BC winning are even slimmer than me capitalizing on my new gym membership.
12/21/2024
Boston College beat Stonehill last Sunday to get back in the win column. And then they went ahead and lost 103 - 77 to SMU. Well, that was short lived.
But this is the life of a BC superfan. One second they convince you they’re making the tourney and the next is just pure disappointment. Oh so manipulative.
Given the way the Eagles are playing, we’re on our way to being the only team in the ACC with no conference wins. And I'm not sure that's a marketable stat.
I did come up with a pretty decent solution to turn our season around: Put me in coach. I have heart, grit, and I cross-dressed once in a middle school theater production so that won’t be a problem. As for stats, well that’s a bit of a gray area. But I do have one award - my 6th grade participation trophy. My big draw - I’m 5 foot. Now I know what you’re thinking,
“Wow, what a hidden gem!” Earl, please, I’ve been here all along you just needed to look down.
12/14/2024
The Eagles have been on a week-long hiatus which feels somewhat counterintuitive. You’d think after losing three games in a row the team would want to spend more time on the court. Actually, at the rate BC is playing maybe it’s best to have fewer games. But I’m sure the team has been practicing hard in the facilities because I certainly haven’t seen them at the library. Well, at the same time, I haven’t moved from this chair since Tuesday. In the last week, I have seen a grand total of three people: the librarian, a painting of BC alum Tip O’Neill, and my own reflection from the computer screen.
Since the team does not appear to be pulling any all-nighters like the rest of us, or maybe just me, they really have no excuse to lose against Stonehill this Sunday. Plus, the Eagles are 16-0 in the series, so if they manage to fumble this game they might as well shut down the program entirely. Ok, fine that’s a tad extreme. Just please make them win this game for me Earl. C’mon, I really need some joy in my life. Heck at this point, I'd settle for some life in my life.
12/8/2024
Well, folks, it looks like our chances of going dancing might be vanishing as quickly as my will to study for these finals. It’s not like we ever really had a super strong shot to make the tourney, but hey you can let a girl dream. Unfortunately, I think this week sealed the deal as the Eagles have managed to lose three games in a row. On the bright side, they don’t have to worry about maintaining an undefeated record.
But to turn this season around BC really needs to improve, which shouldn’t be too difficult after the game against South Carolina where the team only scored two three-pointers. At least they’re setting the bar low. There are some things the Eagles can look forward to, you know, like playing Duke on their home court. Oh, wait… never mind. Or traveling to North Carolina in January. Yeah…no. Ok, so maybe for now we should just look forward to Christmas break.
12/1/2024
The BC Eagles won the Cayman Islands Classic last week which probably received even less media coverage than the National Dog Show. It’s understandable there were a few things slightly more exciting to talk about, you know like Wicked, Black Friday deals and of course a national holiday. I guess the only way for the Eagles to break into the news is if they go dancing. By that I mean March Madness…not on TikTok, they already do that.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like the Eagles will be making the tourney any time soon, as they just suffered one of the biggest upsets of the year. Yeah, it doesn’t get much worse than losing to a team nicknamed the Big Green. Well, actually, it could. If the Eagles manage to lose to South Carolina this Tuesday they’ll also be victims to a rooster.
11/24/24
As of Sunday afternoon the BC Eagles are 3-1 which really isn’t bad, well, until they play real teams. I like to be optimistic, but we’ve got to be realistic when it comes to conference play.
If BC pulls off a win against Duke in January I promise I’ll buy the entire team free dinner, well with my dining dollars. Actually, no, that's too extreme. Perhaps I’ll just have the BC logo painted on my head. No…too far. Wait, I've got it! I’ll just dye my hair maroon and gold. Perfect.
Now this week Boston College is entering the Cayman Islands Classic which seems a little odd to me. I don’t know about you, but when I hear “Cayman Islands” it’s typically about their nefarious business practices. Well, actually it makes sense why BC is playing there now. It was probably the only tournament they could afford.
11/17/24
On Friday, the Eagles won a nail-biter against Temple, advancing to a 2-1 record. Luckily, I had a court side seat, which I now realize is not nearly as impressive considering the game was only streamed on ACCNX, where all the 40-year-old single men gather. But hey, I got featured on the Jumbotron, so it’s a win for me!
Elijah Strong was certainly the star of Friday’s game, even screaming at the crowd after each of his shots. That’s cool, well, except when he would miss. I have to admit it’s a little difficult to watch someone celebrate when they fumble a layup. But honestly, I aspire to have Strong’s complete shamelessness. Maybe the next time I get a question wrong in class I’ll just do a cartwheel.
11/10/24
Boston College surprisingly won its season opener against The Citadel last Monday, but unfortunately, student attendance was essentially non-existent. Why? Hmm… maybe because the game was on a Monday night. Or because we played against a knockoff military school. Yeah, you know the season will be rough when even the real Army doesn’t want to play us.
Regardless, the Eagles hope to get back in the win column after a treacherous loss to VCU in which they committed seventeen turnovers. C’mon guys, all you have to do is hold onto the basketball. Yes, I’m nearly positive that’s it, well, and score.
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